NEW YORK, NY – Tosin Abasi, the enigmatic and suave motherfucker from the progressive metal band Animals As Leaders, has finally revealed his secret to achieving musical success.
For years, Abasi has been hailed as a guitar virtuoso, with his intricate finger-tapping technique and unparalleled creativity setting him apart from his peers. But the real question on everyone’s mind has always been: “What is Tosin Abasi’s secret sauce to musical success?”
We’ve got the scoop, and it’s not what you’d expect. In an exclusive interview with Rolling Stone magazine, Abasi dropped a bombshell that has the music industry reeling.
“You know, it’s all about the fucking money, man,” Abasi confessed, his eyes glinting with a newfound sense of honesty. “I mean, sure, I’m a killer guitarist and all, but let’s be real here. My music wouldn’t have gone anywhere if it weren’t for the almighty dollar.“
As if that weren’t enough, Abasi went on to share his top three tips for aspiring musicians looking to make it big in the industry:
- Find a wealthy benefactor who will fund your dreams of rock stardom.
- Sell your soul to the devil in exchange for musical prowess (optional, but recommended).
- Engage in relentless self-promotion on social media, no matter how many times you annoy your friends and followers.
These shocking revelations have left fans feeling betrayed and confused, but they haven’t stopped them from clicking on every article, video, and meme related to Abasi’s newfound honesty. It seems that the more outrageous Abasi’s confessions become, the more people can’t help but share them with their friends.
Abasi’s bandmate, Javier Reyes, was unavailable for comment, but a source close to the band revealed that he is “absolutely furious” about Abasi’s recent statements. “He just can’t believe Tosin would do this to us,” the source said. “It’s like he’s just spitting in our faces and laughing all the way to the bank.“
But despite the backlash, Abasi remains unapologetic. “Hey, look, I’m just telling it like it is,” he said. “If you want to make it in this fucking industry, you’ve got to play the game. And if that means selling your soul and kissing some serious ass, then so be it.“
