If you thought former President Barack Obama had all his bases covered after leaving the White House, think again! Just when you thought those sandy Hawaiian beaches could satiate his political appetite, we’ve uncovered intel on his shrouded shadow operations buzzing around the globe – and no, we’re not talking about your average tourist’s mesmerizing drone shots.
Retirement looks different for everybody, and apparently, manning an under-the-radar drone bombing program from his basement is Obama’s idea of keeping busy post-presidency. Rumor has it, his newfound mission is to regain his title as ‘Droner-in-Chief’ and finally top that exclusive leaderboard on an online drone warfare simulator, hanging just above the equally competitive George W. Bush, who believes he too can still run the world from his ranch.
It’s no secret Obama masterminded a large drone program while in office, but reports suggest the at-home, do-it-yourself version has taken things to new heights. Artfully crafted in his Washington, D.C. residence, the operation is complete with a fleet of stealthy aircraft, innovative weaponry, custom gaming chairs, and a wide array of snacks, ranging from Baked Lays to Flamin’ Hot Cheetos – retirement calories don’t count, right?
His political prowess hardly hindered by that pesky retirement, Barack now spends hours meticulously planning and executing his drone missions with the same laser-focused intensity he once applied to national policy. An undisclosed source reveals that his man cave operations room is adorned with inspirational quotes from his favorite movies, such as Transformers’ immortal line, “No sacrifice, no victory,” and Buzz Lightyear’s slogan, “To infinity and beyond!” painted across the walls. As far as we know, he has yet to spray paint ‘No Fly Zone’ on the ceiling, but really, is it too far-fetched at this point?
We can confirm that not all things are covert and focused for our Droner-in-Chief, as he’s also found time to lighten the drone-flying mood with a little razzmatazz. In an effort to keep things entertaining, ex-POTUS has added LEDs to the drones, choreographing elaborate light shows alongside the miniature missions and shuffling his feet to the ‘Cupid Shuffle’ as he dispatches his airborne assailants.
Between bombing unsuspecting infidels in Iraq and Syria and a few other off-the-book drone operations, Obama has found a delightful balance between death and destruction and beautiful elaborate drone light displays that rival the most impressive 4th of July celebrations.
With a newfound affinity for maracas and a penchant for dancing around his subterranean empire, Obama’s drone bombing program now feels more like a sizzling remote-controlled conga line than the usual clandestine operations we’ve come to expect. Is it any wonder that he’s keeping it all under wraps? Aerial acrobatics and zesty dance moves combined with explosive firepower – what a sight to behold!
