Atlanta, GA – In a display of woke gone wrong social media solidarity, Twitter users have banded together to cancel André 3000, the beloved musician and one-half of the iconic duo Outkast. The cancellation comes after an exhaustive investigation into his “offensive” lyrics, “problematic” fashion choices, and apparent lack of avocado toast appreciation.
The Twitterverse launched into action after an anonymous user, @HipsterHater3000, posted a thread revealing André 3000’s “disturbing” past. The 248-tweet thread meticulously dissected the musician’s life, from his childhood doodles to his preference for non-vegan leather pants. Within mere hours, the hashtag #CancelAndré3000 was trending worldwide, prompting digital pitchforks and torches to light up the internet.
“André 3000 has been hiding in plain sight for decades, lulling us into a false sense of security with his catchy tunes and smooth moves,” said one Twitter user, @WokeWarrior87. “But now, the truth is out. We must join forces to ensure that this man is never allowed to shake it like a Polaroid picture again.“
While many were initially puzzled by the crusade against André 3000, the sheer volume of “evidence” presented by the Twitter brigade soon swayed popular opinion. Among the most damning revelations was André 3000’s apparent disdain for popular millennial trends such as kombucha, cryptocurrency, and selfies with avocado toast.
“The fact that André 3000 refuses to embrace the millennial lifestyle is a clear indication of his inability to adapt and grow,” said another Twitter user, @AvocadoActivist. “His refusal to invest in Bitcoin is a slap in the face to all of us who believe in a decentralized financial future. Cancel him!“
Some even went as far as to analyze his lyrics, suggesting that lines such as “What’s cooler than being cool? Ice cold!” were clear attacks on the fight against climate change. Others pointed to his fondness for flamboyant clothing as evidence of cultural appropriation and a lack of sensitivity to the plight of peacocks.
Despite the overwhelming support for #CancelAndré3000, a small but vocal minority has risen up to defend the beleaguered musician. Using the hashtag #KeepAndré3K, these brave souls have attempted to counter the mob mentality and remind the internet of the many positive contributions André 3000 has made to music and popular culture.
“André 3000 is an icon, a trailblazer, and a lyrical genius,” said one such defender, @Outkast4Life. “Sure, he may have made some questionable fashion choices, but who among us hasn’t? This cancellation is ludicrous and short-sighted. Don’t let the Twitter mob win!“
As the debate continues, only one thing is certain: André 3000’s life and career will never be the same. Whether he’ll emerge from this unscathed social media storm or be forever tarnished by the internet’s wrath remains to be seen.
