(New York, NY) At a local Starbucks on a sunny afternoon, tired newborn parents Sarah and Mike Thompson sipped their much-needed coffee while juggling their 2-month-old baby, Emily. Just as they stole a short-lived moment of peace, dog mom, Melanie Baxter brazenly interrupted their fleeting tranquillity. Flashing her iPhone wallpaper, Baxter revealed her fur baby, a Yorkshire Terrier named Mr Sprinkles, as she gushed, “I totally get everything you’re going through. I’m a dog mom, after all!“
With their bloodshot eyes and five-day-old unwashed hair, the Thompsons raised their eyebrows, staring blankly at Baxter. Rather than dismissing the comparison, Baxter forged ahead to connect with fellow “parents.”
“You wouldn’t believe how many responsibilities we have!” Baxter continued, describing Mr Sprinkles’ vegan and gluten-free diet plan, complete with monthly visits to the doggy nutritionist. “We’re just like you,” she reassured the Thompsons, who fought back yawns and tended to Emily’s seemingly time-sensitive diaper change.
“But with a dog, we go to the park more often!” Melanie enthusiastically raved, conveniently forgetting that dog parks and human playgrounds aren’t typically found side by side. As the Thompsons discreetly checked their baby monitors for the eighth time since leaving their apartment, Baxter confidently proclaimed, “Dog parents are just like you, you know? In fact, we might have it harder since our little ones can’t speak our language!“
The smirk on her face appeared to be a permanent fixture, adding an extra layer of smugness to her tone. The Thompsons drained from the never-ending cycle of feedings, diaper changes, and sleepless nights, attempted to chuckle politely at the comparison.
As Sarah gritted her teeth, searching for words that wouldn’t send her spiralling into a postpartum rage, she gestured towards Emily’s car seat, outfitted with the latest infant safety technology. “Well, Melanie, I don’t think Mr. Sprinkles quite compares to the commitment of raising a human child, don’t you think?“
Undeterred by the rebuttal, Melanie Baxter leaned in with a wink, “Oh, Sarah, you know… at the end of the day, we’re all just moms doing our best to raise our babies right, be it human or doggo.“
With that, she strutted away, her Starbucks cup in hand and her leashless Mr Sprinkles, patiently waiting outside the cafe, also ignoring all basic rules of obedience.
The Thompsons exchanged an exhausted look, echoing the sentiments of countless other millennial parents who marvel at the audacity of the dog mom phenomenon. With a stuttered laugh and an eye roll, Sarah turned to her husband, “Wow, I never thought I’d miss the ‘cloth diapers vs. disposables’ debates.“
