LOS ANGELES, CA – Just when you thought it was safe to browse Netflix without fear of stumbling upon another cringe-inducing film, Adam Sandler, the beloved yet often perplexing comedy icon, has announced he’s returning with another Netflix movie that is guaranteed to waste approximately two hours of your rapidly fleeting existence.
The upcoming film, titled “Why Are We Doing This Again?”, will feature Sandler in a virtually indistinguishable role from his previous cinematic masterpieces, as he once again portrays a lovable loser with a heart of gold who gets into a series of hilariously improbable situations. This time, however, Sandler’s character will have a pet llama named Larry, who provides the ever-needed comic relief by spitting on various supporting characters at inopportune moments.
Sources close to the production (namely, Sandler’s own Twitter account) have revealed that the film will co-star, Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Kevin James, as well as a rotating cast of former Saturday Night Live cast members who will make brief appearances to remind you of their existence. The film’s script is said to have been written in a single weekend, using a highly sophisticated process that involves throwing darts at a wall covered in sticky notes containing random plot points, character names, and fart jokes.
As is customary with Sandler’s Netflix ventures, the plot will be as predictable as the sunrise, with critics already prepping their scathing reviews, which will ultimately have no impact on the number of people who watch the film out of sheer curiosity or an insatiable desire for self-punishment.
Netflix, in a statement that can only be described as a thinly veiled cry for help, announced its continued partnership with Sandler, stating, “We are thrilled to bring another Adam Sandler film to our platform, ensuring that our subscribers always have a reliable option for when they’ve exhausted all other sources of entertainment and are prepared to stare into the abyss of mediocrity.“
Despite the looming sense of dread that accompanies Sandler’s announcement, it is expected that millions of Netflix subscribers will inevitably watch the film in the vain hope that it might, against all odds, be a return to form for the comedian. These viewers will be left to grapple with the crushing realization that they have squandered two hours of their lives on a film that even the most ardent Sandler fans will have difficulty defending.
As the countdown to “Why Are We Doing This Again?” begins, the world braces itself for the inevitable wave of disappointment and existential crises that will follow. In the meantime, Netflix subscribers are advised to savor the moments they have left before the film’s release, as they can never truly recapture the time that will be lost to yet another Adam Sandler Netflix film.
