Neural DSP Declares End to Capitalism with Archetype: Tom Morello

HELSINKI, FINLAND — In a ballsy move that would make Karl Marx break into an air guitar solo, Neural DSP has just announced the launch of Archetype: Tom Morello. This cutting-edge guitar plugin promises to transform your mediocre noodling into rock god riffage and end capitalism as we know it.

We’ll give you a moment to take this in. We’re no longer just talking about guitar plugins. We’re talking about revolutionary instruments of socio-economic change. Plugins capable of toppling regimes. The kind of plugins that keep big bankers and pharmaceutical juggernauts awake at night.

Neural DSP, the Finnish tech company that’s already turned the world of virtual amp modelling upside down, has teamed up with none other than Tom Morello, the Rage Against the Machine guitarist whose solos can tear down oppressive systems faster than you can say “Guerrilla Radio”. The result? A plugin that precisely captures Morello’s signature sound and pledges to end the imperialistic American war machine with every purchase.

“Look, we’ve replicated every nuance of Morello’s god-like guitar tone. The gravelly grit, the atmospheric distortion, the mind-bending effects. Hell, we even modeled the righteous indignation and revolutionary fervor,” said Neural DSP’s CEO, Douglas Castro, while adjusting his Che Guevara beret and practicing power chords on an air guitar. “And you know what? We thought, why stop at tone? Let’s model the whole freaking ethos. Let’s give capitalism the finger.”

Morello himself is said to be thrilled about the plugin, not least because it’s been meticulously crafted to sound EXACTLY like his amp and setup. An artist famous for setting his amp knobs to 12 and flicking his kill switch on and off really fast, “They really got it just right,” Morello said, his words punctuated by the sounds of Wall Street fat cats quaking in their expensive loafers.

While buying a guitar plugin to fight against capitalist oppression might sound paradoxical, the idea has been hailed as “bloody genius” by a random dude we found busking Rage Against the Machine covers outside our office. And who are we to argue with the wisdom of the streets?

So, will buying the Archetype: Tom Morello plugin bring about the fall of capitalism and usher in a new age of global equality? Or will it simply turn your garage band’s cover of “Killing in the Name” from awful to slightly less awful? Either way, it’s clear that Neural DSP and Tom Morello are here to rock the system, one plugin purchase at a time.

And who knows? If this works, perhaps we’ll see more revolutionary plugins. Archetype: Bob Dylan for world peace? Archetype: The Edge for debt relief? Archetype: Ed Sheeran for comic relief? The possibilities are as endless as a Neil Young guitar solo. But for now, let’s hope that this brave collaboration between a Finnish tech company and a rock legend can help us all rage against the machine – and maybe even play some killer guitar riffs along the way.

Available for €119, the Archetype: Tom Morello is set to hit the digital shelves, promising to turn every bedroom guitarist into a sonic revolutionary. We’re unsure if it comes with a complimentary copy of ‘The Communist Manifesto’, but we can certainly dream. After all, isn’t that what rock and roll is all about?