After decades of experimentation and misguided attempts at innovation, guitarists everywhere have finally come to their senses and realized that headless guitars are, in fact, fucking stupid.
“We’ve been tricked for far too long by the promise of increased tuning stability and ergonomic design,” said local musician Timmy Johnson. “But at the end of the day, it’s just a gimmick that makes you look like a total douchebag on stage.”
The headless guitar, first popularized in the 1970s by guitar virtuoso Eddie Van Halen, has long been the subject of ridicule and derision among guitar enthusiasts. But despite the overwhelming evidence that headless guitars are nothing more than a fashion statement, many musicians persisted in using them, convinced that they were somehow superior.
“I thought I was being edgy and avant-garde by playing a headless guitar,” said Johnson. “But now I realize that it’s just a pretentious way of trying to make up for my lack of actual talent.”
The turning point for many guitarists came in late 2022, when iconic guitar manufacturer Gibson announced that it would no longer be producing headless guitars. “We’ve realized that headless guitars are nothing more than a passing fad, and we want to focus on building instruments that are actually good,” said Gibson CEO James Curleigh in a statement.
The decision by Gibson, one of the most respected names in the guitar industry, sent shockwaves through the guitar community, and many other manufacturers quickly followed suit. “We’ve seen a huge uptick in sales of traditional guitars since Gibson made the announcement,” said Matt Hensley, owner of Hensley’s Guitar Shop in Los Angeles.
As we enter 2023, it’s clear that headless guitars are officially cancelled, and guitarists everywhere are rejoicing. “I’m just glad to finally be able to play my music without looking like a complete idiot,” said Johnson.
In conclusion, 2023 is the year guitarists finally realize that headless guitars are fucking stupid. Headless guitars are cancelled.
