In a shocking display of gluttony and disregard for basic social etiquette, musician Tom Morello brazenly consumed the entirety of the chip bowl at a recent party, leaving guests scrambling for crumbs and questioning the meaning of justice.
According to witnesses, the incident occurred during the party’s peak, when the chip bowl was at its fullest and most delectable. Without warning, Morello reportedly lunged at the bowl and proceeded to devour the chips with a pang of ravenous hunger, as if he had not eaten in weeks.
“It was like watching a wild animal in its natural habitat,” said partygoer Jane Smith. “He didn’t even pause to breathe, let alone offer anyone else a chip. It was truly a sight to behold.”
As the chip bowl rapidly emptied, the guests began to realize the gravity of the situation. Some attempted to intervene but were swiftly brushed aside by the guitar virtuoso.
“I tried to grab a chip, but he just gave me this cold, dead-eyed stare,” said party host Bob Johnson. “I knew then that there was no reasoning with him.”
With the chip bowl now completely empty, Morello reportedly belched loudly and declared, “I am the chip bowl conqueror.”
As the partygoers looked on in dismay, Morello proceeded to help himself to the dip, ignoring the protests and pleas of the guests.
“I have never seen such a display of chip-based tyranny in my life,” said Smith. “I don’t know how he sleeps at night.“
At press time, Morello was spotted eyeing the party’s veggie tray with a gleam in his eye.