Pizza aficionados, brace yourselves – the pizza world as we know it is about to change! If you thought Nike and Bud Light cornered the market on woke points with their recent trans-community initiatives, prepare to have your mind blown – Papa John’s is showing they can roll out the dough in the name-change game, and they mean business.
In a bold stride for pizza inclusivity, the fast-food chain is no longer satisfied with merely feeding the masses greasy, cheesy slabs of pie. They’ve taken the helm in the great voyage towards equality by launching their newest, wokest product line – Gender-Neutral Pizzas!
These pies promise to redefine the pizza landscape with toppings as diverse as the customers they cater to. In this brave new cheesy world, gone are the days of boring “Meat Lover’s” and “Veggie Delight” stereotypes. Papa John’s is now leading us hand in hand into a sparkling utopia where barbecue sauce and tempeh coexist harmoniously atop gluten-free crusts, and shredded non-dairy cheese showers down upon ethically-foraged mushrooms and sustainable pepperoni alike.
Imagine this: a world where no pizza is judged by the color of its sauce or the texture of its crust. A world where pickles and pineapple can live side by side without fear of being mocked or shamed. My dear pizza fiends, this daydream is now a reality!
The Chief Wokeness Officer (CWO) at Papa John’s had this to say about the game-changing initiative, “You see, we realized our pizzas weren’t just limited by their toppings, but also by the societal norms and outdated expectations we’d been forcing upon them. Our pizzas deserved an environment that nurtured their individual identities, and that’s what we’re providing.“
Of course, Papa John’s didn’t stop at just the delectable pies – they’ve upped the ante with a slew of new and daringly politically correct side dishes. Move over garlic bread because here comes Crudité Equality Sticks! The symphony of colors in these veggie trays put Garden of Eden’s famed salad bar to shame.
And did somebody say ‘Inclusive Dipping Sauce’? Oh yes, we did. Because why should marinara and ranch have a monopoly when the world of condiments yearns for harmony and mutual respect? Expect to find salsa and hummus playing supporting roles in the gooey, extravagant dance that is Papa John’s Gender-Neutral Pizzas.
In an exclusive sneak peek of their upcoming ad campaign targeting the most enlightened pizza connoisseurs, Papa John’s proclaims, “Our crust knows no gender, our toppings know no discrimination. We’ve got a slice for every taste, and we believe no topping or dip should be left behind in our quest for an all-embracing pizza experience.“
So, get ready to sink your teeth into these revolutionary pies as Papa John’s embarks on a world tour – armed with olive branches and a battalion of delicious, gender-neutral ‘ZZAs – all in the name of pizza unity, equality, and deliciously satisfying our irresistible hunger for progress. The pizza game will never be the same, and we’ve got our stretchy pants on standby to witness history in the making.
