BOISE, IDAHO – 27-year-old Rick Thompson claims to have reached the end of the internet, leaving him adrift in a sea of existential ennui and an acute case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). As Thompson’s life spirals into a hopeless void, experts are scrambling to assess the situation and prevent a global epidemic of internet completion anxiety.
Thompson, a self-proclaimed “internet adventurer” and full-time meme connoisseur, made the harrowing discovery late last night while attempting to find the most obscure subreddit possible. “I just clicked on a link, and then another, and then another,” said Thompson, his voice quivering with disbelief. “And suddenly, there it was: a blank screen that said, ‘Congratulations, you’ve reached the end of the internet. Please turn back now.’“
The ramifications of Thompson’s revelation have reverberated far beyond his dimly lit basement lair. Social media sites have erupted with panic as users search for any remaining unexplored digital territory to stave off the encroaching darkness. Meanwhile, experts in psychology, sociology, and dank memes have convened at an emergency summit to address this rapidly unfolding crisis.
Dr Linda Schrödinger, a leading memeologist, expressed grave concern over the implications of Thompson’s announcement. “The internet has long been considered an infinite source of entertainment, information, and distractions from our mundane existence,” she explained. “To confront the possibility of its completion is to confront the very nature of our reality. Essentially, we’re all screwed.“
Despite the palpable terror gripping the online community, some have dared to question the veracity of Thompson’s claim. “I’ve been on the internet since before this kid was born, and I’ve never reached the end,” scoffed 45-year-old forum frequenter Gary Johnson. “I bet he just ran out of Mountain Dew and needed an excuse to leave his mom’s basement.“
In response to these allegations, Thompson provided photographic evidence of his harrowing journey to the internet’s end – a blurry selfie featuring his wide-eyed, horrified expression and the aforementioned blank screen.
As the debate rages on and the world grapples with the implications of Thompson’s discovery, experts have warned the public sternly. “Until we can fully understand the ramifications of reaching the end of the internet, we recommend that users exercise extreme caution,” said Dr Schrödinger. “Avoid venturing too deep into obscure forums, and when in doubt, return immediately to the safety of cat videos and listicles.“
As for Thompson, the once-proud internet explorer has been left to ponder the bleak emptiness stretching out before him. “I used to think there was always more internet to explore,” he lamented. “Now, I just stare at my screen and wonder what it all means. What do I even do with my life now? Go outside? Interact with people? It’s terrifying.“
