Just when you thought Anheuser-Busch couldn’t be any more controversial, they’ve set the bar higher (or lower, depending on your perspective) by introducing their Ku-Klux-Klan Edition Bud Light. Combining the ingrained traditions of a clandestine group with the age-old American pastime of guzzling down sudsy beverages, this special edition brew gives new meaning to the term “United We Stand.”
“Look, we’re not here to take sides or judge,” said CEO Ronald Michener during the launch party, donning a pristine robe with an embroidered Bud Light logo. “We believe that beer brings people together, and sometimes that means having a drink and a good ol’ cross burning with your pals.“
Though he doesn’t hold an official membership, Michener wants to assure the Klan members and conservatives alike that their clan warrants the same respect and acknowledgement as a sorority. “After all,” he says, “nobody’s complaining about the Alpha Kappa Delta Edition Bud Light, are they?” Marketing analysts are still uncertain how that comment is even remotely relevant.
Far be it from Anheuser-Busch to skimp on the finer details. Each can will be wrapped in a white hood cozy, woven from the finest polyester threads found only in the darkest recesses of bigotry. Patented “HoodKoozie Technology” ensures optimal temperature retention to keep every sip as cold as the hearts of those who opposed desegregation. Limited edition collectable cans will bear striking illustrations of burning crosses recreated from authentic photos taken at actual KKK gatherings.
Endorsing the KKK is only the beginning for Anheuser-Busch. Rumor has it the beer conglomerate plans to further navigate the twisted terrain of American cultural divisions by exploring other limited edition releases based on gender pay gaps and abortion debates. Whether chugging your frustrations away or merely toasting to socially-distanced extremism, a can of KKK Edition Bud Light will keep you on the edge of your seat and possibly the precipice of civil unrest.
In response to the backlash, Anheuser-Busch has issued a statement defending their bold move: “While we understand the concerns, we must remind the world that we’re simply the nation’s therapist—serving cold relief in a can, no matter the woes. We’ll be here as you break bread or burn bridges, chanting ‘chug, chug, chug’ ever so blindly.“
Love it or hate it, the KKK Edition Bud Light is a testament to the power of alcohol in numbing the senses and uniting the most unlikely of groups in a blurry haze of politically incorrect camaraderie. Cheers to the next round of pandering and borderline offensive limited edition brews! Because, as Anheuser-Busch has shown us, the best way to endure the hardships of a divided nation is to drown them out in a sea of cool, crisp Bud Light.
