Los Angeles, CA – Multi-talented musician and producer Pharrell Williams has decided to share his thoughts on the tragic events of September 11, 2001. Known for his unique fashion choices and catchy tunes, Pharrell has remained curiously quiet about the topic for years. But now, he’s finally ready to open up, and his insights are as strange and bewildering as the massive Vivienne Westwood hat he wore to the 2014 Grammy Awards.
In a candid interview at his Los Angeles home, Pharrell breezed through topics like fashion trends, climate change, and his favorite dessert recipes before deciding to spring his peculiar musings on 9/11 upon us. As we sipped on homemade vegan smoothies, Pharrell began his bizarre 9/11 monologue, which somehow involved the Smurfs and a semi-forgotten 90s sitcom star.
“Let me start by saying that I love America, and I’ve always been passionate about history,” Pharrell began, adjusting the oversized bowtie that had somehow appeared around his neck. “But when it comes to 9/11, I can’t help but wonder: What if it was all just a big misunderstanding? Like, maybe the terrorists were just trying to pull off the most epic flash mob of all time, and they accidentally boarded the wrong planes.“
As our jaws dropped in unison, Pharrell continued, unfazed. “You know, like that time when Urkel accidentally broke through the Winslow family’s living room wall on ‘Family Matters‘. It’s a classic sitcom mix-up, but on a slightly larger scale.” The singer-songwriter-producer then launched a passionate defense of the Smurfs’ role in the tragedy, claiming that the tiny blue creatures were unfairly blamed for the attacks.
“Think about it – the Smurfs were a symbol of peace and harmony, living in a utopian village where everyone worked together and shared everything,” Pharrell explained, gesturing emphatically with a Swarovski crystal-encrusted water bottle. “But then, they were suddenly accused of masterminding the most devastating terrorist attack in history? It just doesn’t add up.“
When pressed for clarification, Pharrell admitted that he wasn’t suggesting that the Smurfs were directly involved in the attacks but that their pure, innocent image had been exploited by mysterious forces. “I’m not saying that Papa Smurf hijacked a plane, but I do think it’s possible that someone – or some group – wanted us to believe that the Smurfs were behind it all. And that’s what really breaks my heart.“
As we tried to wrap our heads around Pharrell’s bizarre conspiracy theory, he suddenly changed the subject to his upcoming collaboration with a group of Tibetan throat singers, leaving us with more questions than answers. If one thing is certain, Pharrell Williams’ thoughts on 9/11 are as perplexing and unconventional as the man himself.
