San Diego, CA – As ticket sales for As I Lay Dying’s latest tour continue to nosedive, frontman Tim Lambesis has resorted to an unusual scapegoat: steroids. In a desperate bid to explain away the band’s lacklustre turnout, Lambesis claims that his infamous steroid-fueled past is to blame for the disinterest rather than the band’s questionable reputation and musical offerings.
Lambesis, who made headlines in 2013 for a murder-for-hire plot targeting his then-wife, has spent most of a decade attempting to rebuild his personal and professional life. However, the self-proclaimed “roided-out” rocker has hit a new low as he scrambles to justify the dwindling interest in As I Lay Dying’s concerts.
In a recent interview with Metal Sarcasm Weekly, Lambesis lamented, “It’s not fair, man. I did my time, I paid my dues, and I’m clean now. But people just can’t let go of the past. It’s like they’re addicted to hating me, just like I was addicted to steroids. It’s all connected, you know?“
Social media users quickly responded to Lambesis’s bizarre claims, with many suggesting alternative explanations for the band’s flagging popularity. Twitter user @metalheadforever tweeted, “Maybe people aren’t going to As I Lay Dying shows because their music just isn’t that good? #JustAThought #SteroidsArentTheProblem.“
Others poked fun at Lambesis’s outlandish remarks, like @shreddingqueen, who posted, “If steroids are the reason for poor ticket sales, then I guess I can blame my gym membership for my failed relationships. #MakesSense #LambesisLogic.“
To salvage their plummeting ticket sales, As I Lay Dying has announced a series of “Steroid-Free Shows,” complete with on-stage drug testing and a promise to donate a portion of the proceeds to steroid abuse awareness programs. The band’s management has also launched an aggressive social media campaign, flooding Instagram and Twitter with images of a clean-shaven, smiling Lambesis, accompanied by the hashtag #ReformedRocker.
Despite their efforts, ticket sales remain stagnant, with many fans questioning the sincerity of Lambesis’s steroid-blaming crusade. Music blogger and As I Lay Dying skeptic, Jessica Sharp, summed up the sentiment in a recent post on her blog, Metal Mishaps: “As much as Lambesis wants to believe that steroids are the reason for his band’s downfall, it’s time for him to face the music – literally. Sometimes, a lack of ticket sales isn’t about a scandalous past; it’s about the quality of the present.“
As Lambesis and his bandmates grapple with their waning relevance, one thing is clear: blaming steroids for lacklustre ticket sales is about as believable as blaming a broken guitar string for a career slump. But in the world of heavy metal, stranger things have happened.