In a shocking report released today, it has been revealed that a child who dreams of one day being a part of a successful band would not make it through one night in a tour van with four other dudes.
The child, who was not identified, was found to have a severe lack of understanding of what it takes to make it as a rock star. After being asked to detail the experience of sleeping in a tour van, the child responded with a blank stare and the phrase, “What’s a tour van?”
The child was then asked to detail the experience of sleeping in a tour van with four other dudes. Again, the child responded with a blank stare and the phrase, “What’s a dude?”
Experts have determined that the child would not be able to handle the rigors of life on the road, and would likely be unable to handle the cramped sleeping quarters and lack of privacy.
The child was found to be more suited for a life of leisure and comfort, and is more likely to find success in a profession that does not involve sleeping in a tour van with four other dudes.
Keep dreaming, kid. You’re not cut out for this.
