In a recent report released by the Music Appreciation Association, it has been discovered that an astounding 99% of people who purchase vinyl records do not actually own a vinyl player. The Association suggests that these people are merely “posers” who are pretending to like music but don’t really understand it.
These people, according to the report, buy vinyl records but don’t actually play them, instead opting to display them as a kind of status symbol. The Association has declared that this behavior is “totally unacceptable” and that these people will “die alone with zero integrity”.
The Association also noted that these people are usually quite vocal about their love of vinyl, yet when asked to name a single artist or album they can’t answer. They simply display their records on the wall as a way to show off, rather than actually listening to them.
The Association has gone on to suggest that these people are not actually fans of music and are instead merely trying to create a false image of themselves. They are “trying to show off,” the report states, “but in the process, they are missing out on the true beauty of music.”
The Association has encouraged anyone who purchases vinyl records to actually listen to them and to truly appreciate the music. They have also warned that those who do not will “die alone with zero integrity”. So, be warned, posers: if you’re going to buy vinyl, make sure you actually listen to it.
