Washington D.C. – In a shocking display of advanced military technology and zero situational awareness, the US military successfully took down an alleged Chinese spy balloon, only to find out it was actually the flying house of 78-year-old Carl Fredricksen and 8-year-old Russell, who were on a mission to fulfill the lifelong dream of Fredricksen’s late wife, Ellie.
The military, who were convinced the balloon was a threat to national security, deployed several fighter jets and missiles, raining down on the unsuspecting floating house and sending it crashing down in the South American wilderness.
“We had intelligence that suggested this was a Chinese spy balloon,” explained General John McAllister, head of the US military. “Turns out, it was just an old man and a little boy trying to have an adventure. We apologize for the inconvenience.”
“I can’t believe they shot down an old man’s dream,” said an emotional Ellie’s greatest adventure fan, Maryann Peterson. “It’s like they didn’t even see the “Adventure is out there!” sign on the front of the house.”
As for Carl and Russell, they are believed to be safe and sound, despite suffering from the shock of being shot at by the military. They are reportedly continuing their journey and fulfilling Ellie’s dream, albeit with a little less helium and a lot more bruises.
This latest military blunder is just another reminder that sometimes, it’s better to just let people live their lives, even if they’re floating in a house held up by a bunch of helium balloons.
Vanflip reached out to the military for a statement, but they declined, citing the incident as “classified.” When asked if they would classify Ellie’s Adventure Book as a threat to national security, they declined to comment.