We asked 15 prominent artists to share their thoughts on life, and the answers they gave us were absolutely baffling. We contemplated just scrapping this entire article, but our editor threatened us and here we are, an article.
Varg Vikernes of Burzum answered, “The only way to be truly happy is to be surrounded by burning churches and the smell of pine trees.“
Cannibal Corpse’s George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher said, “If you want to make it in life, you have to be willing to take risks. Even if it means going to jail, you have to be willing to do what it takes to get ahead.“
Kerry King of Slayer said, “Life is about finding the most extreme way to express your pain and suffering.“
Ronnie Radke from Falling in Reverse offered advice for touring musicians, “Always make sure you pack a spare Macbook Pro, so your live show doesn’t get cancelled when one fails.“
Marilyn Manson offered a more morbid view: “Life is about turning your darkest nightmares into reality.“
Rob Zombie of White Zombie had an even more bizarre perspective, saying, “The only way to make the world a better place is to create a zombie apocalypse and let the undead rule.“
Metallica’s James Hetfield believes that the best way to stay motivated is to “put a sign up in your living room that says ‘Remember, nothing is impossible’ and then go out and prove it.”
Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe said that the key to a successful life is to “always wear a cape and never take no for an answer.”
Korn’s Jonathan Davis believes the best way to achieve inner peace is to “go out in nature, find a quiet spot and just scream at the top of your lungs.”
Disturbed’s David Draiman had an unusual take on what it means to feel fulfilled. He said, “Start your own cult and make sure that everyone follows your every command.”
Five Finger Death Punch’s Ivan Moody had a unique piece of advice for those struggling to make their dreams come true. He said, “Put a rubber duck on your desk and make sure you talk to it every day. It will remind you that it’s never too late to make your dreams come true.”
Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine offered a strange take on water: “If you want to stay alive and healthy, just don’t drink the water. It’s full of toxins and pollutants that can kill you.“
Guitarist Zakk Wylde of Black Label Society and reunited Pantera fame suggested life is “a never-ending battle between the power chords and the wah-wahs.“
Slash claimed that life is all about “finding the right balance of whiskey and vodka.“
Tim Lambesis from As I Lay Dying replied, “Always hire a professional. I learned that the hard way when I tried to hire a hitman to take out my ex-wife, only to be caught and arrested.“
Well, there you have it. If you’re looking for life advice, you should probably look elsewhere.
