KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—In a surprise press conference held deep within the mountains of Afghanistan, the Taliban announced the launch of their new space program, set to take off with the help of an unlikely propulsion system: Mentos and Coca-Cola.
“We have always been at the forefront of innovation and progress. Did you see our Toyota Corolla powered supercar?” said Taliban leader Mullah Akhtar Mansoor. “And now, with the power of Mentos and Coke, we will finally be able to reach new heights and expand our reach beyond the borders of this earthly realm.“
The program, which has been in development for several months, will reportedly use Mentos candies as fuel, with Coca-Cola serving as the rocket’s oxidizer. The Taliban’s top scientists have reportedly been experimenting with different ratios of Mentos to Coke to achieve optimal launch conditions.
“We’re confident that this is the future of space travel,” said Taliban spokesman Zabiullah Mujahid. “Not only is it cost-effective, but it’s also environmentally friendly. Plus, the whole thing just tastes really, really good.“
When asked about the potential dangers of the program, Mujahid brushed off concerns. “Oh, sure, there’s always the risk of an explosion,” he said. “But that’s just part of the excitement, isn’t it?“
The Taliban’s new space program has already been met with skepticism and ridicule from the international community, with many experts questioning the feasibility and safety of using Mentos and Coke as a propulsion system.
But the Taliban remains undeterred. “We may not have the resources of NASA or SpaceX,” said Mullah Mansoor. “But we have something even more powerful: the power of belief and the unwavering spirit of the Afghan people.“
The first test launch of the program is set to take place in the coming weeks, with the Taliban planning to send a team of brave volunteers on a one-way trip to the moon. “This is a historic moment for our country,” said Mujahid. “We may not know where this journey will take us, but with Allah on our side, nobody can stop us.“
