King Charles has issued a royal decree stating that there is no Prince Andrew.
According to sources close to the palace, the King made the announcement during a heated conversation with his second son, who has been embroiled in scandal in recent years.
“I looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘Andrew, there is no Prince Andrew. You are nothing but a commoner, and you always will be’,” said King Charles.
The announcement has sent shockwaves through the royal family, with many speculating that this could be the beginning of the end for the troubled prince. Some have even gone so far as to suggest that this could be the first step in a plan to strip Andrew of his royal title and banish him from the kingdom forever.
But not everyone is taking the news so seriously. Some have pointed out that the King’s statement could be a clever piece of satire, meant to mock the absurdity of the royal family and its many scandals.
“It’s just Charles being Charles,” said one palace insider. “He’s always been one for a good joke, and I think this is just his way of poking fun at the whole situation.”
However, Prince Andrew was not amused by the King’s declaration and immediately went into damage control mode. He reportedly went door to door in Buckingham Palace, handing out flyers that read “I am Prince Andrew, believe me” with his picture on it. He also set up a hot-dog stand outside the palace gates and gave out free hot-dogs to anyone who affirmed his royal status.
Furthermore, Prince Andrew has also started to make drastic changes to his appearance, in an attempt to prove his royal status. He has grown out his hair and beard, started wearing a crown everywhere he goes and even started speaking in a fake British accent to sound more regal.
In a desperate bid to regain his royal status, Prince Andrew has also hired a team of public relations experts to rebrand himself as the “King of Fun”. He is currently organizing a royal parade where he will be leading the procession on a float shaped like a giant teacup, and is also planning to open a “Prince Andrew’s Fun Factory” theme park where visitors can meet him and take pictures with him dressed in a giant teacup costume.
The King, however, is not backing down from his statement and has gone as far as to change Prince Andrew’s name on the royal family tree to “Former Prince Andrew” and has also ordered that all references to Prince Andrew be removed from all official documents and portraits.
The royal family is yet to comment on this matter but it is safe to say that the tensions are high within the palace walls.