The world was stunned today as famed clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson, the champion of free speech, was seen weeping uncontrollably outside a café in downtown Toronto.
The cause for Peterson’s tears? A group of “woke” leftists had descended on the establishment, determined to “de-genderify” the establishment’s offerings.
The leftists had declared that all orders must be taken without gender pronouns, while the menu was to be changed to reflect the establishment’s “equality”.
The barista, a young woman in her twenties, was the first to face the wrath of the “woke” mob. She was ordered to remove the beloved Canadian maple syrup from the menu, and to replace it with a socially-approved alternative, such as “free-range organic apple cider vinegar”.
The barista, terrified, complied, and the maple syrup was removed.
This was too much for Dr. Peterson, who had grown up with the sweet, sticky syrup as a staple of his Canadian heritage. He could not bear to witness the desecration of this most sacred of Canadian staples, and he burst into tears.
The leftists, unimpressed with Peterson’s show of emotion, continued their protest, demanding that the barista also remove all gender-specific pronouns from her language.
“No more ‘he’ or ‘she’,” the mob chanted, “only the gender-neutral ‘they’!”
The barista, bewildered and overwhelmed, could do nothing but comply.
In the end, the protest was successful, and the café was “de-genderified”. But the cost had been high – the barista was left shaken and confused, the Canadian maple syrup was gone, and Peterson’s tears had been shed.
It is a sad day indeed when such a sacred Canadian symbol is desecrated in the name of “equality”. Let us never forget the cost of such “progressive” measures, and may we all strive to protect the things we hold dear.