Craig Reynolds, drummer of the hardcore band Stray From The Path, has announced his plans to take on the Church of Scientology in a drum-off battle. Reynolds, known for his aggressive and intense drumming style, plans to storm the Church’s headquarters, guns blazing and drums in tow, in an effort to bring down the controversial organization once and for all.
“I’ve had enough of these scientologists and their mind control tactics,” Reynolds stated in an interview. “It’s time to show them who’s boss and I’m the perfect man for the job. I’ve been training for this my whole life – playing drums in a hardcore band is basically like preparing for battle.“
Reynolds plans to take on the Church’s army of “Sea Org” members, who are known for their intense and rigorous training, in a drum-off that will go down in history. He will be armed with nothing but his drumsticks and his trusty kit, ready to take on the Church’s notorious “E-meters,” which they use for auditing their members.
“I’m not afraid of their technology,” Reynolds declared. “I’ve got rhythm and precision on my side. I’ll show them what real power is. I’ll show them gnatty, by two-footing my way through every single one of their members.”
When asked about the potential outcome of this battle, Reynolds was confident in his victory. “I’ll be the hero that the world needs right now. The Church of Scientology will fall, and I’ll be the one who brought them down. And I’ll do it all with a drum solo that will make Lars Ulrich jealous.“
The Church of Scientology has not yet commented on Reynolds’ plan, but it is clear that they are in for a battle they never expected. The drum-off is set to take place at the Church’s headquarters in Los Angeles, and tickets are expected to sell out quickly. The event will be streamed live on YouTube for fans who can’t make it to the show.
“This is going to be one for the history books,” Reynolds exclaimed. “Don’t miss it.”
